Wednesday, 7 September 2016

It's a good job I love my cat

Just so that you can picture the scene, I'm lying in my bedroom in my new house. As it's a shared house, I have a litter tray in my room. Dolly cat has spent most of the morning out in the garden.
I'm just about to embark on a deep relaxation, listening to Youtube...

"You are about to enter," says the deep, male voice, "a state of deep relaxation. Inhale deeply…"
What's that smell?
"And exhale fully…"
My dinner can't smell that awful.
"Once again, inhale deeply…"
It smells like cat shit.
"And exhale fully…"
It is cat shit.
"Now, all you have to do is…"
Clean it up.
So much for my deep relaxation. I won't go into details, but let's just say she'd partially missed the tray and done a poop on the plastic mat put there to protect the carpet.

It's a good job I love my cat.

Saturday, 20 August 2016

The joy of voice recognition software

Writing cheers me up in so many ways. I can go into another world when my own is unbearable. 
I can go to another world for the sheer fun of it. 

But the voice recognition software gives me the greatest amusement. It goes deaf at the most inopportune moments. 
I'm writing a raunchy scene right now, on a warm day, with the window open. I didn't want my neighbours to hear what I was writing about. I wanted to say the words 'hot sex'. Cliché I know, but it was to do with my character's thoughts.
 My computer thought it was fanny to get me to say these words over and over again, gradually getting louder and louder. 
I've left the deliberate mistake in the previous sentence to show just how capricious it can be. I meant fanny... fanny... now it won't do ordinary words! Funny! That's better. I had to type that word. Soon, my emails are going to be sleaze-fests.